First Steps

For the last three years, I have contemplated on what to say or simply how to say it. How do I voice my thoughts about my son's diagnosis of PDD-NOS and somehow still function as his advocate/mother. I was happy finding out that there was a name for everything we had gone through all those previous years.  I tried to focus on the questions I have been asked about his birth, was it normal, when did his first talk, walk and everything in between. How many nights I spent worrying about him and how he was going to handle his environment. I had so many questions and by all means there were not enough answers for me.

I looked deep within myself wondering if I was the cause to all of it. The disapproving looks and comments from others did not help me one bit. I found more acceptance and understanding from social workers, doctors and other parents who had children with similar diagnosis. Having a diagnosis was the beginning and an end for me. Finally someone really understood what was happening with my son. 

Mr. C. has his own way of doing things, a routine and he had it down pat. Same routine since I can remember. He played better by himself in a room full of children, was fine when he was left to do his thing. The memories of Mr. C. lining up his cars from one end of the living room to the other and how I made darn sure no one disturbed them. One car out of place would cause him to have a melt down, one that I did not understand at the time.

Going to the grocery store for us was difficult, Mr. C (then 2) would be alright at first after about 20 minutes he would start crying non-stop. I would do everything I could to console him, I even left the store several times and then the crying would cease. I have had people come up to me in stores telling me that "you should make him behave" or "he needs a good spanking."  First of all I was trying to figure things out, why was going to the grocery store causing so much distress to my child?  When it comes to my child I am very protective and yes I have a tendency to say a few things. Over the years I have learned how to say things, when not to say them and how not to react emotionally. 

Autism was not something I had ever paid attention to until the diagnosis came. Then it became my whole world, but if you look closely it was already was except there wasn't a name attached to it.

I had been thinking about blogging for a long time just never found the right time. Well the time is now and as I tell Mr. C. "you have PDD-NOS (Autism) but it does not define who you are." I know he processes the world differently than everyone else and I think that is awesome!